Pornography in the Church
He leads me …
Why do people in churches react to comments about the LGBTQIA+ community while issues about pornography barely get mentioned? Maybe it is because porn is an issue that people from all walks of life are dealing with, and because it causes personal problems of various kinds which no one wants to talk about.
One of the biggest problems for men with porn is that it can ruin a couple’s chances of great sex. It turns out that men who have been deeply involved with porn as a teenager, have problems being intimate with their wives later on. The husband’s mind is so affected by what they have been looking at that they have to experience either porn or a porn-like encounter to be sexually satisfied.
In copying the porn activity that the man has seen, he can easily make what should be an intimate time awkward and possibly hurtful for his partner.
As a result sex becomes a case of ‘what is in it for me’, which is completely different from the God designed purpose of fully reinforcing a lifelong bond between a man and a woman, as well as for reproduction.[1]
Christians reading this are probably thinking that while this may be the case for a lot of people, it is different in the church. Surely the godly church families we know are not involved with pornography?
Unfortunately many studies and reports have come out in the last few years that show quite disturbing results. Not only is pornography part of a lot of churchgoers’ lives, but in many cases, the statistics show that Christians – men, women and children – and including church pastors – are dealing with porn at similar levels as secular society.
Let us look at some statistics. The research coming from the Barna Group and Covenant Eyes in the United States show that –
· There are around 42 million porn websites, which totals around 370 million pages of porn.
· 11 years old is the average age that a child is first exposed to porn, and 94% of children will see porn by the age of 14.
· 68% of church-going men and over 50% of pastors view porn on a regular basis.
· Of the young Christian adults aged 18-24 years old, 76% actively access porn.
· Only 13% of self-identified Christian women say they never watch porn. Therefore, up to 87% of Christian women have watched porn at some stage in their life.
· 57% of pastors say porn addiction is the most damaging issue in their congregation. 69% say porn has adversely impacted the church. Only 7% have a strategy to deal with it.[2]
Pornography is a growing problem for men our society, and women’s involvement is catching up to the men as well. Regrettably, the silence from the church concerning this widespread problem has affected the dignity, intimacy, and identity of many Christians.
There is not much in the way of detailed pornography studies on women, and very little research identifies just Christian women. What is known is -
· 30% of the internet industry is pornography.
· One-third of women watch porn at least once a week.
· 56% of women 25 years old and under look at porn, as against 27% among women older than 25.
There are numerous reasons for women being drawn to pornography, such as curiosity, loneliness, boredom, rejection, stress, dissatisfaction, or comfort, Pornography seduces with promises that call the longings of a woman’s heart. Dannah Gresh and Dr. Juli Slattery[3] in Pulling Back the Shades identify what they believe to be a “woman’s five longings” satisfied in fantasy and pornography:
• to be cherished by a man
• to be protected by a strong man
• to rescue a man
• to be sexually alive
• to escape reality
Men initially look at porn for the same reasons as women - curiosity, loneliness, boredom, rejection, stress, dissatisfaction, or comfort, but basically they continue because porn relieves stress, provides escape, and enables them to relax.
Pornography is a closet sin for a lot of Christians – men, women and children - often bringing shame once the orgasm has occurred after masturbation.
When it comes to having intercourse, men can find that by looking at more and more porn they have issues keeping an erection during normal sex. This leads to relationship problems. The man feels inadequate, and the woman feels that her partner is not attracted to her anymore. What neither of them have realized is that porn addiction can actually cause erectile dysfunction.
The shame and inadequacy breed serious isolation because no one shares their struggle. Speaking out would mean being rejected by others. The resulting guilt suppresses any confidence, attitude, motivation, and ultimately may drive the Christian to doubt their salvation.[4]
Sexual Addiction Specialists Aotearoa spokesperson Lisa Taylor, is a Christian and runs a service working with clinicians, counsellors and families dealing with the results of porn and sex addition.
Lisa says that regrettably, New Zealand has one of the highest porn-watching rates in the world, according to the world’s leading paying provider, Porn Hub! With increased use comes more careless attitudes about sex, violence against women, and sexual immorality.
So what should we do?
Lisa ministers in several countries, and the testimonies that she hears are consistent. People who dependent on pornography are struggling, the church is not talking about this issue, and no one seems to know where to get help![5]
There are a couple of sites that have resources that will help the local churches overcome porn addiction. One is Sex Addictions Specialists Aotearoa (SASA) at https://www.sasa.nz/ and the other is Christian Sex Addiction Specialists International (C-SASI) at https://www.c-sasi.org/ [6]
Maybe breaking the bond that porn has on the people attending church will allow for a breakthrough to occur as people are freed to grow as a united community, and are open to what the Lord wants to do.
[1] America’s Real Porn Problem, David French, National Review; https://www.nationalreview.com/2016/04/pornography-destroys-american-morals-culture/?target=author&tid=1048
[2] 15 Mind-Blowing Statistics About Pornography And The Church, Kingdom Works Studios, Mission Frontiers; https://www.missionfrontiers.org/issue/article/15-mind-blowing-statistics-about-pornography-and-the-church
[3] Dr. Juli Slattery is a clinical psychologist, author, speaker and the president/co-founder of Authentic Intimacy. Juli earned a Doctorate degree in Clinical Psychology from Florida Institute of Technology.
[4] What you should know about women and pornography, Mikayla Simpson, Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission
https://erlc.com/resource-library/articles/what-you-should-know-about-women-and-pornography/
[5] Women & Sexuality: The Church’s Blind Spot, Ellen Mary Dykas, Harvest USA’s Women’s Ministry;
https://harvestusa.org/women-sexuality-churchs-blind-spot/
[6] STOP the Pornification of Our Kids, Michelle Nelson, Ashburton Guardian
https://www.guardianonline.co.nz/lifestyle/stop-pornification-kids/
Porn Use: Spreading Like a Disease, Lisa Taylor, Beyond Betrayal Community
https://beyondbetrayal.community/porn-use-spreading-like-a-disease/
