Forgiveness

He leads me …

“Pray along these lines: ‘Our Father in heaven, we honour your holy name. We ask that your kingdom will come now. May your will be done here on earth, just as it is in heaven. Give us our food again today, as usual, and forgive us our sins, just as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us. Don’t bring us into temptation, but deliver us from the Evil One. Amen.’ Your heavenly Father will forgive you if you forgive those who sin against you; but if you refuse to forgive them, he will not forgive you.” Matthew 6:9-15 (TLB)

Many of us struggle with the forgiveness part of this prayer, and even more so with the comment that follow telling us what happens if we do not forgive.

Does the Lord really understand what we have been through? How can we be expected to forgive after all that they did to us? Surely God will understand in His grace and His mercy that we cannot forgive them? Yes, He will understand, but no, it does not make it right.

A person came into my life many years ago who really did not like me. It seemed that whatever I said or did was criticised, and I was always on the defensive as a result. The situation was such that while all I wanted to do was get away, I could not do so and had to deal with the problem instead.

As unhappy and discouraged as I was, I had an ongoing burden that I had to forgive this person. My initial response to the thought of forgiveness was, ‘No way. It is not going to happen’, but I felt as though the Lord was keeping a bit of pressure on me, and my thinking slowly changed so that I accepted that I needed to do something so that I could forgive them, even if I did not want to. This internal feeling was so contrary to what I was normally feeling that it had to be the prompting of the Holy Spirit to get another part of my life sorted out.

The feeling of ‘No way’ eventually changed to ‘I can’t’ which meant that if I could not forgive, the Lord would have to help me. It occurred to me that this meant that if I was able to forgive, any ongoing bitterness or perhaps even hatred towards this person who caused me so much grief would be dealt with too. I would be free of that oppression.

I believe that the Holy Spirit gave me the tools to be able to forgive. Here is what I did.

1.    I prayed positively for them. It was not a case of ‘Bless them Lord’, but being specific. I prayed that He would help them with any of the problems that they were experiencing at the time. I prayed that He would build them up to their full potential for His glory.

2.    Every time that I was with them, I made a point of being positive about what they were doing. To begin with, I felt like a total hypocrite, but over time it got easier, because I really meant it.

3.    I was not judging or criticising them. I was genuinely trying to honour them.

4.    I was effectively re-wiring my thought patterns towards this person. So much so that on one occasion my wife said that it looked as though I had not picked up on the criticism that I had just received. And yes, I was totally unaware of it. It was like the negative words went right over my head.

I eventually forgave the person, and was able to look them in the face and say, ‘I love you’ and mean it. The stress that I could feel across my shoulders lifted off. It was an amazing feeling.

However, what was happening was a lot bigger than my attitude towards just one person.

I went from being the victim to becoming positive in my general outlook, and the quality of life changed a lot for the better too.

Have you ever noticed that the positive people are the ones that others want to be around? But there is even more happening than this. Let us look at what the psychologists say.

Stress Relief

Those with a positive attitude cope with stressful situations a lot better than pessimists. Given a situation like not getting a job or a promotion, someone with a positive approach is more likely to look at what they can do to try and fix the problem rather than think that the situation is too much for them to do anything.

Better Resilience

Resilience refers to how we cope with problems. Resilient people are able to face a crisis or trauma with strength and determination. They have the ability to eventually overcome the hard times. When confronted with a problem, positive thinkers look at what they can do to fix the problem. Instead of giving up, they look at what resources that have which can help, and are willing to ask others for assistance too.

Increased Immunity

Researchers have found that what we think can have a powerful impact on our body. In the area of immunity our thoughts and attitudes can impact us significantly. Those who were optimistic about the important things in their lives displayed a stronger immune response than those who were more negative.

Improved Wellness

Researchers suggest that positive people tend to have healthier lifestyles. This is because they handle stress better and avoid unhealthy activities. Also, the Mayo Clinic have reported that positive people have a reduced risk of death from cardiovascular problems, less depression, and an increased lifespan.



Bad things will happen in our lives. We can be disappointed or hurt by the actions of others. In these circumstances positive thinkers will look at the situation realistically, look for ways that they can improve the situation, and try to learn from their experiences.[1]Surely this is a whole lot better than just giving up.

[1] Kendra Cherry, MS, is an author and educator with over a decade of experience helping students make sense of psychology. She is the author of the "Everything Psychology Book (2nd Edition)" and she has published thousands of articles on diverse topics in psychology including personality, social behavior, child therapy, intelligence, research methods, and much more.

https://www.verywellmind.com/benefits-of-positive-thinking-2794767