Ten Sins That We Now Take Less Seriously - Part Three
He leads me …
In the previous two blogs we were having a look at how some recognised sins in the first half of the 1900’s progressively become ignored. It happened as people’s way of life changed and their standards became more relaxed.
One of the key changes was the loss of manners. Manners let others see that we cared about them, and this enabled everyone to feel comfortable in social situations. We saw that this was a practical application of, ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you’ as taught by Jesus in Luke 6:31 and Matthew 7:12.
Manners covered many aspects of life, but they came down to some basic principles of etiquette - consideration, respect, and honesty.
A downturn with these values led to an unstable way of life in the 1960’s.[1] Changes to our way of life were underway. This meant that the Ten Commandments which is the basis of most of our laws were being progressively disregarded. The ‘sins of the flesh’ listed in Galatians 5, were being ignored too.
Previously we have looked at buying lotto tickets, swearing and Game of Thrones, but there are others that have become forgotten that we should look at too.
Let us look at some more examples –
4. Sex before marriage
What happened to the old caution about ‘keeping your feet on the floor’ and staying away from compromising situations when a couple are dating? Even without looking at what the Bible says there is a lot of practical wisdom available from those who have had regrettable experiences in this area. Like the Christian girl who was really worried what her boyfriend would think if he found out that she had previously had sex with another man. Or the guy who really pushed for and then had sex before marriage, but could not understand why his sex drive drooped off once he got married.
In the world that Jesus and His followers lived in, the Jew and Christian views regarding sexual immorality, had much in common. Sex before marriage was clearly condemned in Judaism, as well as Christianity.
For instance, Paul - a Jew – argued that the only proper outlet for sexual desire is within marriage - ‘But because of [the temptation to participate in] sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband’ (1 Corinthians 7:2 AMP). From this we see that if unmarried people cannot control their sexual desires, Paul does not tell them to give in to their urges. Instead, he says, ‘But if they do not have [sufficient] self-control, they should marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.’ (1 Corinthians 7:9 AMP).[2]
God wants us to save sex for marriage because it is the perfect way to fulfil this type of union. Sex is not just casual fun, or a feel-good way of expressing mutual love. It is about two people becoming one flesh.
The Science of Sex Before Marriage
Is premarital sex something to avoid just because the Bible says so, or are there other reasons too?
More happens during sex than just a short-term experience of pleasure. When we are intimate, chemicals are released in our brains that bond us together. Vasopressin is primarily released in male brains and oxytocin primarily in females. However, when we have sex with various people prior to marriage we damage our capacity to bond strongly with our future spouse. It is similar to how adhesive tape works. It progressively uses it stick each time the same piece is used.
Researchers found that those who wait to have sex until marriage, compared to those who do not, report having much higher relationship contentment (20%), better communication processes (12%), less thinking about divorce (22%), and better sexual affection (15%). These effects are decreased but are still functioning in those who became sexually active while dating prior to marriage.[3]
A human has three parts – body, soul and spirit. The soul comprises of their intellect, emotions, and will.
When two people meet, and they become attracted to one another, they both wonder if the relationship could lead to marriage. At this point, the emotions have united. But then their intellects step in, and they wonder about things like the other’s personality, compatibility, values, culture and finances. If the two spend more time together and conclude that the other person is definitely the right one, their emotions and their intellects at that point agree.
Finally comes the role of the will. Each person asks themselves hard questions like, ‘Am I willing to compromise how I currently live?’ and ‘Am I willing to take on new responsibilities?’ The marriage happens when their wills agree with the emotions and the intellect, and each person’s soul has become united.[4]
5. The inappropriate joke
Jokes and humour generally are very personal and are affected by that person’s experience of life. K (Guru) Gurunathan is a former Mayor of Kāpiti. His father was Indian. He says having the dark Indian skin means that he gets taunted quite often which makes his heritage an occupational hazard he must manage.
He gives an example of someone calling from across the street, ‘Who’s looking after the dairy?’ They probably think they are funny. However, Guru has heard it all before and is prepared and responds, ‘The same person who owns the brothel your mother works in!’[5]
For some this is funny, but for others probably rude, racist and offensive. It depends on our background.
At the beginning of this blog we looked at how manners let others see that we care about them, and this enables everyone to feel comfortable in social situations. We saw that this was a practical application of, ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you’ as taught by Jesus in Luke 6:31 and Matthew 7:12. Manners also cover many aspects of life, but they come down to some basic principles of courtesy - consideration, respect, and honesty. Does our humour reflect these qualities?
What does the Bible say about believers using filthy talk, speaking foolishly or telling crude jokes?
Ephesians 5:3–4 (NLT) says, ‘Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God.
If we care about others, and the example we set, it really cannot get much clearer than this can it?
Dear Reader – If you have found some value in this blog, please feel free to send a copy on to your family and friends. Kind regards, John
[1] Definition of Etiquette, Emily Post, emilypost.com;
https://emilypost.com/advice/definition-of-etiquette
[2] Does The Bible Really Prohibit Sex Outside of Marriage? Preston Sprinkle, Theology in the Raw;
https://theologyintheraw.com/does-the-bible-really-prohibit-sex-outside-of-marriage/
[3] The Science of Sex Before Marriage, Dr. Andrew Magers, The Well Clinic, Louisiana;
https://mywellclinic.com/blog/2020/02/20/science-sex-marriage/
[4] Living Proof by Jim Peterson, NavPress, 1989, p. 170
[5] Welcome to the Life of Coloured People in New Zealand, K Gurunathan, stuff.co.nz;
https://www.stuff.co.nz/opinion/131550124/welcome-to-the-life-of-coloured-people-in-new-zealand
