Loneliness
He leads me …
Loneliness is a problem that affects young people as much as older people. It has occurred increasingly over the last thirty years as our communication has changed due to social media. It is now possible to live our life online without physically interacting with people outside of the workplace, and this results in millions of people experiencing loneliness on an ongoing basis.
It started when the personal computer industry launched in 1977, with the introduction mass-produced personal computers suitable for the home and the office.[1]
Then the analog cell phone systems emerged in the 1980s having developed from the mobile car telephone. They have since been progressively updated to the current 5G technology. IBM designed the first smartphone (a portable computer device that combines mobile telephone and computing functions into one unit) and it was first available commercially in 1993.[2]
As computer and cell phone technology has improved, social isolation has grown as a result. Research has found that this loneliness is created by a lack of physically socialising which has impacts on both mental and physical health (New York Times, 2017.) Loneliness has been responsible for raising stress hormone levels, and increasing our risk of experiencing heart disease, arthritis, dementia, and Type 2 diabetes.
If we think about the use of this technology we would probably consider that the online relationships are a credible alternative to physical social exchanges. However, a 2012 survey carried out by Macmillan Cancer Support showed that the average 18 to 30 year-old person has 237 Facebook friends. When asked how many of these friends they could rely on in an emergency, the average answer was two. A quarter said one.[3]
If today’s young people (Gen Z - born 1997 to 2012) were able to travel back a few decades in time, they would probably not recognize how people lived. Before the arrival of cell phones and home computers, along with the resulting social media, loneliness was something that was only experienced by the elderly and those with marginal or extreme lifestyles living on the fringes of society. Community was a normal part of everyday life, but now we can see that it is declining.
Living in an active community has now largely changed to having a society where young and elderly individuals often feel sad and lonely because they do not experience any social connection with others.
We are created to be social beings. In Genesis 2:18 God said, ‘And the Lord God said, “It isn’t good for man to be alone; I will make a companion for him, a helper suited to his needs.”’(TLB). We see from this that the Lord, having created Adam, could see that he needed a partner, and that with the resulting population growth, human beings would need each other in order to survive.
It is interesting that science has backed up what the Bible says. In 2020 a researcher took fMRI scans of 40 volunteers’ brains after all connection to any social interaction had be taken away from them, and they had then been individually isolated for 10 hours. When the volunteers were shown photos that related to social experiences, the areas of their brains linked to cravings lit up in the same way that the brains of hungry people lit up when they were shown pictures of food. In this case the craving was for social interaction.[4]
Loneliness can feel like emptiness and numbness; or it can feel like an aching in your chest. You feel that you are missing someone or something, or feeling unloved, unwanted. Feeling lonely is like being lost, without any direction on where to go or what to do next.[5]
So, when a lonely person tries to overcome their craving for company and wants to get involved with a group of people, what do they do? The Bible says that ‘God places the lonely in families’ (Psalm 68:6a NLT)
We all have a family, so do we settle in with our biological family – Mum, Dad, brothers, sisters, Uncle, Aunty, etc.? This may not be ideal for a variety of reasons. For Christians we can get involved with our spiritual family – other Christians - through our church. But then this might have problems too.
Do we have any other options? Barry Pearman has been a Community Chaplain in New Zealand pastoring people with major mental struggles such as anxiety, depression, psychosis, bi-polar, and addictions. He suggests that our real family are those that can identify with our journey through life because they too have experienced similar situations and struggles. He found that usually the people who have ‘been there and done that’ will listen without judging.
As the Bible says, ‘There are “friends” who pretend to be friends, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.’ (Proverbs 18:24 TLB). Barry says that it has always fascinated him how people who have been through, or are going through struggles seem to find each other. As Barry see it, there seems to be some sort of supernatural magnet drawing them together What is happening is the Lord is honouring His word when He ‘places the lonely in families’.
Barry said that people who were not actively involved in the lives of those with health issues often have a model of what they believed Church should be, and they felt that everyone should fit into that model. But Barry believed that God was wanting to set people in families of His making. People coming together with shared values, shared experiences, and shared dreams.[6]
There are Christians who are alone but do not suffer from loneliness. They feel that it is important to spend time on their own studying their Bible and praying. After a while they find that their prayer time is not just them talking to God, but He actually responds with very gentle prompts to pray for certain people or events. We will also see that ‘good luck’ and ‘coincidences’ are actually the Lord quietly working in our lives.
This is not for the super spiritual Christians, but rather anyone who is prepared to make an effort will be able to enjoy a relationship like this with the Lord.
Loneliness may have become an epidemic in our technology-focused, individualistic society, but we can break free from it. It could be by spending more time with God and deepening our relationship with Him, or maybe joining a group of like-minded people – preferably Christian - where genuine friendship and healing can be found. Then the loneliness will be stopped from ruling our life and stealing our joy.[7]
Dear Reader – If you have found some value in this blog, please feel free to send a copy on to your family and friends. Kind regards, John
[1] personal computer technology, The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica;
https://www.britannica.com/technology/personal-computer#ref283802
[2] mobile telephone, David E. Borth, Encyclopædia Britannica;
https://www.britannica.com/technology/mobile-telephone
What makes us human? Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks, The Rabbi Sacks Archive, rabbisacks.org;
[3] https://www.rabbisacks.org/archive/article-what-makes-us-human-new-statesman/
[4] The Weird Science of Loneliness and Our Brains, Matt Reynolds, WIRED;
https://www.wired.com/story/weird-science-of-loneliness-brains/
[5] Loneliness Q&A: What...? Loneliness NZ; https://loneliness.org.nz/nz/questions/what/#:~:text=Loneliness%20feels%20like%20emptiness%20and,and%20what%20to%20do%20next.
[6] God Sets the Lonely in Families, Barry Pearman, Turning the Page;
https://turningthepage.co.nz/god-sets-the-lonely-in-families/
[7] Dealing with Loneliness: Christian Counseling and Community, Tacoma Christian Counseling;
