Did Jesus say that we should hate or honour our parents?
He leads me …
Sceptics will tell us that the Bible contradicts itself and will probably highlight the verse which reads, ‘If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple’ Luke 14:26 (NKJV)
Not only does this verse contradict biblical principles but it is opposite to one of the Ten Commandments which says, ‘Honor your father and mother, that you may have a long, good life in the land the Lord your God will give you’ Exodus 20:12 (TLB). This verse also shows in the New Testament as, ‘Honor your father and mother. This is the first of God’s Ten Commandments that ends with a promise.’ Ephesians 6:2 (TLB)
As we normally understand the word ‘hate’ in Luke 14:26, we would consider that Jesus’ statement is a contradiction, unjust, and goes against decent family values. However, if we dig a little deeper into the meaning of the word ‘hate’ we find that it does not always mean anything like ‘abhor, despise, detest, loathe,’ which are modern synonyms for ‘hate’ listed in the Merriam-Webster.com Thesaurus. Interestingly, the word also can include the meaning ‘to love less.’ Really?
A good example is found in Genesis 29:30, where the Bible says that ‘Jacob also went in to Rachel, and he also loved Rachel more than Leah.’ But, in the next verse the Bible then says, ‘And when the Lord saw that Leah was hated, He opened her womb’ (KJV). When we look at the same verses in the NLT and other modern translations they read, ‘When the Lord saw that Leah was unloved, he enabled her to have children, but Rachel could not conceive.’ We see that Jacob did not despise Leah as we may have thought. Instead, he simply loved Rachel more than he loved Leah.[1]
To understand better what Jesus actually means about ‘loving less’ rather than ‘hating’ our family, we just need to have a look at the parallel saying in Matthew 10:37: ‘He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me’ (NKJV). These words are followed in verse 38 with Jesus saying ‘And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.’ These verses indicate that giving our family second place to the kingdom of God is one way of taking up our cross.”[2]
Being a disciple of Jesus means that we follow wherever He leads and directs us. To assist us with this we have God’s Word, the Bible, which provides examples and instructions on how to live appropriately, and we also have the Holy Spirit to teach us and guide us with what we do every day. When we follow what both the Bible and the Holy Spirit show us, then we are being the Lord’s disciples.
This means that if other people try to get us to do or say things that disagree with what the Bible and the Holy Spirit are telling us to do, then we should be obedient to what they say. Our decision to do this can be hard and/or painful – especially if it puts us offside with our friends and/or family. Jesus’ earlier comments are basically telling us that we should to be willing to give up everything so that we can be His disciples.
Friends and family may tell us that what they want us to do ‘isn’t that bad,’ or maybe they just think that it is not a problem, even if we know in our hearts that it is wrong for us as a disciple. When that happens, we are to obey Jesus more than everyone else. Family and friendship bonds do not take priority over God’s requirements. Even when it is really hard, we have to be firm and make it clear where we stand, and not let them influence us. That is when we ‘hate’ our mother and father, friends and anything that stops us obeying Jesus. This means that when we then do what Jesus says, we are showing Him that we love Him more than anyone or anything else.
When we first become Jesus’ disciple we often have to give up something special to us which we want keep. This could be an activity that could become more important to us than the Lord, or it could be something special that we had before we became a Christian and it now it has no place in a Christians life.
Having to make changes to be obedient to the Lord could mean that some people will think less of us, or perhaps we will lose a friend as a result of our corrections. But Jesus said, ‘And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or property, for my sake, will receive a hundred times as much in return and will inherit eternal life.’ Matthew 19:29 (TLB)
At the beginning of this blog we read ‘If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple’ Luke 14:26 (NKJV) Should we really hate our own lives?
Jesus is not telling us that we should think we are worthless. Not at all. He is saying that our own human thinking often tries to get us to go against what we know in our hearts is the right thing to do. These things can be personal things that we are really attached to, but they are holding us back from being fully effective for the Lord, and in our lives generally. When we see how lazy we are, or how stubborn, or how selfish, or how proud we are, then these are the issues that we should hate. If we love Jesus more than these problems, it will be easier to follow Him and progressively display the fruits of the Spirit.[3] This fruit will then override the negative aspects of our personality which need to be dealt with.
Jesus loves us so much that He gave up His place in Heaven and sacrificed Himself on a cross for us. Nothing we have to give up for Him can match this. And yet, if we put Jesus first, before everything else, He will give us so much more than we will ever lose. ‘For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So, we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.’ 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 (NIV).[4]
Many Christians will never have to make the painful choice of turning their backs on their family in order to follow Christ. But, there are many other Christians around the world, who face rejection, and/or persecution from their families. These believers, if they are truly Christ’s disciples, are forced to live in a way that appears ‘hateful’ toward their ‘father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters’ (Luke 14:26).
All Christians are to honour Jesus and give Him priority over all earthly relationships. Those who find that they must sacrifice any of these associations have the promise that, “There’s no one who’s left their home, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, children or properties for me and the Good News will fail to receive 100 times as much in this present life – homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and properties. They’ll get persecutions along with it in this life, but they’ll also get eternal life in the time to come.” Mark 10:29–30 (Source).[5]
One of Christ’s last conversations before He ascended to Heaven was to Peter, but is really meant for all of us. Jesus, referring to the other disciples that Peter had been with through so much with, asked Peter, ‘Do you love me more than these?’ If Jesus asked us the same question regarding everything and everyone who we have around us, what would we say?
Dear Reader – If you have found some value in this blog, please feel free to send a copy on to your family and friends. Kind regards, John
[1] Hate Your Parents—or Love Them? Kyle Butt, Apologetics Press;
https://apologeticspress.org/hate-your-parentsor-love-them-781/
[2] F. F. Bruce [late Rylands Professor of biblical criticism and exegesis, University of Manchester, England], The Hard Sayings of Jesus (Downers Grove IL: InterVarsity Press, 1983), p. 120.
[3] Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control
[4] Did Jesus really say that we should hate our parents? ActiveChristianity.africa;
https://activechristianity.africa/did-jesus-really-say-that-we-should-hate-our-parents/
[5] What did Jesus mean when He instructed us to hate our father and mother? GotQuestions.org;
