And They Shall Become One
He leads me …
Most Christians have probably heard the scripture, ‘a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.’ It first occurs in Genesis 2:24 and then we see it again in Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:8, 1 Corinthians 6:16 and Ephesians 5:31. But what does it mean?
When two people become one in marriage they unite two whole and distinct personalities into a new, God-designed and God-purposed life. Marriage is intended to be a permanent, lifelong union. When God said, ‘And the two shall become one,’ His intention was for the couple to join together in an inseparable and complete union.
Two becoming one sexually in a marriage means caring for and fulfilling one another’s physical needs with respect and mutual consent (1 Corinthians 7:1–5) and delighting in one another (Proverbs 5:15–19; Ecclesiastes 9:9). God’s design for physical intimacy in marriage is not exploiting one another (1 Thessalonians 4:3–7), but rather showing love with beauty and dignity as shown in the Song of Solomon.
Of course, unity in marriage is a whole lot more than just the physical side. The original Hebrew word translated as ‘flesh’ refers to much more than a person’s physical or sexual values. It relates to everything human. The biblical view of ‘one flesh’ describes a unity that covers every part of a couple’s combined lives as husband and wife. In marriage, two lives bond together as one - emotionally, intellectually, financially and spiritually. They are so close that they function like one person, balancing each other’s strengths and weaknesses so that together they can fulfil their God-given goals.
The ‘two shall become one flesh’ expresses the heart of the Bible’s conception of marriage. By entering into marriage, a couple take solemn vows to become permanently one flesh—to love, honour, and treasure each another until they are parted by death.[1]
It is interesting that what the Bible says is right is backed by science. Technically, it is recognised that sex forms intense bonds mentally, emotionally, and physically, especially when we perform it over and over again.
How does this happen? Quite simply, any kind of sexual activity that takes place releases chemicals in our brains. For women, it is primarily the hormone oxytocin, and for men it is vasopressin.
Oxytocin allows a woman to bond to the most important people in her life. It eases stress, and creates feelings of calm and closeness. These lead to increased trust. This hormone also makes her to want to nurture and protect the one she is bonded to.
Vasopressin in men is very similar to oxytocin. It assists a man to bond to a woman during intimate contact. Some call it the ‘commitment hormone’ or ‘monogamy molecule’. Along with commitment this hormone strengthens loyalty and a protective awareness over his spouse, which can lead to a ‘jealous’ attitude.
There is a third set of hormones called endorphins released during sexual activities, and they affect both partners. Endorphins are what we call happy hormones. They are highly addictive and cause us to want to experience the rush again and again and again.
In a marriage, these hormones are extremely motivating and helpful. God, in His infinite wisdom, knew that sometimes marriage would get hard. So, He installed an over-ride system (hormones) that would cause us to stick together through thick and thin, in good times and bad, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. It would cause us to feel devoted, loyal, possessive, and willing to endure trials to keep that person who is precious to us. What an intelligent Designer we have.[2]
So, if all these good things happen when two people have sex, does it really matter if they are completely committed to each other and have sex before they get married? Logic would indicate that if the special intimacy between a couple has already occurred prior to the marriage, there is nothing special left when the couple get married. Basically it is ‘business as usual’ and the specialness of what marriage stands for is eroded. We could argue the points for and against this argument, but let us see what research shows.
Researchers found that those who wait to have sex until marriage, report significantly higher relationship satisfaction (20%), better communication (12%), less consideration of divorce (22%), and better sexual quality (15%).[3]
Sex while dating can sometimes be thought of as an important way to test if a couple are compatible and whether the relationship can stand the test of time, but this is not the case according to the data. In summary, the longer a dating couple waits to have sex, the better their relationship is once they are married.
When carried out correctly, sex in a relationship becomes a meaningful part of the emotional intimacy shared by the spouses. This is difficult to achieve when sex is prioritized at the beginning of a relationship because no time has been spent to build trust, support, safety, and security with one another.
This is why it is important to protect our purity; spirit, soul, and body. We can see that to be pure and to save ourselves for marriage is not just a religious ideal. The point is that when we find the right person, we connect with them for life.[4] If we enter into a relationship according to what both the Bible and science say, we have a far greater chance of making the marriage work, than if we ignored what they tell us.
No marriage is perfect. There will definitely be times that are less than ideal, but any failures do not take away from what should be. We are always called back to the ideal - to the standard of God. For the marriage to be ‘holy’ matrimony, it must be pleasing to the Lord. To do this there should be a three way relationship – a married couple, both looking to God as the head of their communion, so that they all truly belong to one another, and the spouses see their marriage as service to the Lord.
Dear Reader – If you have found some value in this blog, please feel free to send a copy on to your family and friends. Kind regards, John
[1] What does it mean that “the two shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24)? Got Questions Ministries
https://www.gotquestions.org/the-two-shall-become-one-flesh.html
[2] The Invisible Effects of Sex Before Marriage? Moral Revolution
https://www.moralrevolution.com/blog/the-invisible-effects-of-sex-before-marriage
[3] The Science of Sex Before Marriage, Dr. Andrew Magers, The Well Clinic
https://mywellclinic.com/blog/2020/02/20/science-sex-marriage/
[4] The Invisible Effects of Sex Before Marriage? Moral Revolution
https://www.moralrevolution.com/blog/the-invisible-effects-of-sex-before-marriage
