Suicide
He leads me …
As we probably all know, the number of people committing suicide each year continues to rise. In the United States suicide is the second leading cause of death for people aged 15 to 34, and the fourth leading cause of death for those 35 to 44.
There will be people reading this blog who will be familiar with what being suicidal is like. They will know what it means to be in a place that has absolutely no hope. ‘Do gooders’ who would have shared verses of Scripture with us, or told us that we can work through the problem, were wasting their time. Their efforts did not mean anything to us when we could not see the point in living. What the ‘do gooders’ were doing was pointless, because it took us too much energy to try and respond, and as far as we were concerned it did not matter anyway. Life was just meaningless.
That changed when someone was there for us, and worked with us to get us out of that lonely place. There would be times when they would apply tough love by making us do something for our own benefit, even when we did not have the energy or even care about the outcome.
Over time we gradually began to change. There were small wins which helped slowly develop our self-esteem. We began to see that there were things worth getting out of bed in the morning to do. Life began to have some point to it. As we made progress, we found that life could not improve if we just talked about it. We had to do something to change our attitudes and behaviour. And so we developed from there.
Here are two parallel quotes that help summarise what causes suicidal tendencies.
“Suicide defines the moment in which mental pain exceeds the human capacity to bear it.”
— Dr. John T. Maltsberger, American Association of Suicidology
“Suicide is not chosen; it happens when the pain exceeds the resources for coping with that pain.”
— David L. Conroy’s book Out of the Nightmare: Recovery from Depression and Suicidal Pain
There’s no one reason for suicide. Anyone can have suicidal thoughts, even without any history of mental suffering at all. When we experience stress, are getting depressed and we start to feel hopeless, we could be on the start towards suicide. Other factors that can also increase the chances of developing suicidal tendencies include a severe personal catastrophe, continuing high levels of stress, drug and alcohol use, being emotionally involved with an associate’s suicide, having easy access to lethal means of committing suicide, and having experienced significant distress.[1]
Suicide is not new. The Bible records seven suicides. Interestingly the Bible is not totally clear whether what these people did was right or wrong -
Abimelech (Judges 9:52-54) Abimelech lacked personal identity.
Samson (Judges 16:25-30) Samson died for a cause he believed in and for revenge.
King Saul (1 Samuel 31:4) Saul was stressed and unable to live up to the Lord’s expectations. He felt rejected and a failure and was facing execution by his enemies
Saul’s armour-bearer (1 Samuel 31:5) based on impulse, he wanted to die with his king. Note that 40% of teenage suicide is impulsive.
Ahithophel (2 Samuel 17:23) Ahithophel was bitter because his advice to Absalom on how to capture King David was not followed.
Zimri (1 Kings 16:15-20) Zimri rebelled because he had a problem with his sudden loss of leadership.
Judas Iscariot (Matthew 27:3-5) Judas was depressed and guilty. He was the only disciple who wanted more material gain and power.[2]
So how do Christians respond to people considering suicide?
Ronald Hawkins, founding dean of the School of Behavioral Sciences at Liberty University, said churches aren’t always a safe place for people to be vulnerable. According to the research, that seems especially true when someone is at risk for suicide.
He said, “Our research suggests that Christ followers need to work harder at providing safe places, so filled with love and grace that trust can flourish,” he said. “In such a place, those who have come to believe that suicide may be their only option may dare to open up their inner world and experience a reawakening of hope.”
The motivation for churches to be active in addressing suicide should already exist. Many Christians have had someone they know commit suicide, and know of many of the issues that need addressing.
LifeWay Research in the US found suicide often affects church goers. Researchers surveyed 1,000 Protestant senior pastors and 1,000 people who attend services at least once a month. The study found that about a third of the suicide victims (35%) known to the surveyed people attended church at least monthly during the months prior to death. Unfortunately few of their friends and family said that church members or church leaders knew of their loved one’s struggles.[3]
What if we know a person who is struggling with life generally? What do we do?
Have a look at how many of these situations below apply to the person we know -
· Talking about wanting to die; threatening; talking about a detailed plan
· Preoccupied with death
· Talking about feeling hopeless, having no way out of problems, no reason to live
· Saying they’re a burden to others, worthless, alone, guilty, shamed
· Giving away personal items; organising personal affairs
· Saying goodbyes and thank you to friends and family
· Changes in behaviour, such as isolating, withdrawing from others, not coping with stresses, significant mood changes, self-harming, using drugs or alcohol to cope, losing interest in things usually enjoyed
· Stopping taking any needed medication
· A sudden positive change in their mood, which seems confusing.
If we are worried, always ask the person how their life is going. Never assume we know. Ask them. Have a caring conversation. Supportively and gently ask a direct question like… “You don’t seem yourself. I can see things are really hard for you right now. Are you having any thoughts about suicide?”
For counselling and support, go to Mental health and wellbeing – where to get help on the Ministry of Health web site - https://www.health.govt.nz/your-health/services-and-support/health-care-services/mental-health-services/mental-health-and-wellbeing-where-get-help . There is a range of groups who can help.
[1] Let’s Talk Together About Suicide, Tricia Hendry, anglicanmovement.nz;
https://anglicanmovement.nz/blog/lets-talk-together-about-suicide
[2] Are There Biblical Examples of Depression and How to Deal With It? ChristianAnswers.Net;
https://christiananswers.net/q-dml/dml-y038.html
[3] 1 in 3 Protestant Churchgoers Personally Affected by Suicide, Bob Smietana, ChristianityToday.com
