It's Not Fair! (Part One)

He leads me …

While we walk around various malls and shopping centres it is not unusual to hear and watch the excessive displays of discontent, and distress when a parent tells a child that they cannot have something they want. Typically the child will start stomping on the floor and will yell at the parent, ‘It’s not fair!’ Sometimes the child gets so intense that some of the listeners might be thinking that it would great to be able revert back to the days when a sharp smack would be in order.

But we do not do that these days, do we?

Christian parents look to the Bible for direction on how to raise godly children. They read several verses in Proverbs that clearly say that using a stick or switch across the child’s backside is appropriate. They may even fear that if they do not discipline like this, they will be sinning by losing control of their child.

Let us look at three of the biblical verses which have caused this concern -

·      Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children.

Those who love their children care enough to discipline them. (Proverbs 13:24 NLT)

·      Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child;

The rod of correction will drive it far from him. (Proverbs 22:15 NKJV)

·      The rod and rebuke give wisdom,

But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother (Proverbs 29:15 NKJV)

As an ordained minister Thomas Haller spent 8 years learning Hebrew and Greek in order to bring clarity to his understanding when he studied the Bible.

Thomas says that a closer examination of the Hebrew word for rod (shebet), shows that it is most frequently used when referring to shepherds who are tending their flocks. The shepherds used the stick to fight off prey and to gently guide wandering sheep, but the stick was not used to beat them.

We can see from this that what God is saying is that parents are to hold their children accountable for their choices and actions. There are many ways to hold a child accountable and corporal punishment (spanking) does not have to be one of them.

Reread the passages above and replace the references to punishment and the use of the rod with the word accountability and the meaning stays the same.

For example:

Proverbs 13:24 would read,

·      Those who spare accountability hate their children.

Those who love their children care enough to discipline them

Proverbs 22:15 would read,

·      Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child;

But holding him accountable will drive it far from him

Proverbs 29:15 would read,

·      The culture of accountability gives wisdom,

But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother

To try and clarify some more that the Bible does not support spanking, let us look at Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV) which reads –

·      Train up a child in the way he should go,

And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Training does not mean spanking, hitting, or any other form of corporal punishment.

As well as having studied Hebrew and Greek, Thomas Haller is also a psychotherapist with 30-years in private practice as a child, adolescent, and couples therapist. He believes that creating a culture of accountability is the most loving thing parents can do for their children. He also believes that holding children accountable is the model of gentleness and love that Jesus shows us in the New Testament. Jesus modified the Old Testament by changing the eye for an eye approach for turning the other cheek and forgiving seven times seventy.

The New Testament provides other guidance for parenting too –

·      Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4 NLT)

·      Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged. (Colossians 3:21 NLT)  

·      Which do you choose? Should I come with a rod to punish you, or should I come with love and a gentle spirit? (1 Corinthians 4:21 NLT).

We should be parents who are encouraged and inspired by the word of God that calls for grace, gentleness, forgiveness, and love in all that we do This is the application of loving our neighbour as we love ourselves (and includes families).

For the sakes of our children and ourselves we would do well to create a Christ-like approach to parenting. This means looking for strategies and techniques that enable us to parent for the full benefit of our child. When this is done biblically, it will not only help the child, but also help us to have a higher vision of ourselves as a parent.[1]

Dear Reader – If you have found some value in this blog, please feel free to send a copy on to your family and friends. Kind regards, John

[1] Biblical Perspectives on Spanking, Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman, thomashaller.com

https://www.thomashaller.com/PAbiblicalperspectivesonspanking.html