Facing the End of Life (Part Two)
He leads me …
In the previous blog we looked at what is involved in preparing for end-of-life care. In this blog we will look at what is available for a person once they have died. Do they want to be buried or cremated? If they wish to be cremated, do they want the ashes cast out over the sea or a lake, or do they want them to be dug into the ground under a memorial tree? This would appear to be reasonably straight forward, but there are a lot of options that go with this which should be considered as well.
More than 8 in 10 (82.9%) had already made their own decisions about their funeral and burial. Sometimes the decisions were elaborate, detailed, and in almost all cases, written down. They felt that making plans this way meant a much greater chance that their wishes would be honoured and that their passing would be peaceful.[1]
For example, the deceased might have preferred that instead of the mourners sending flowers to be laid on the coffin at the funeral, or displayed during the service, that a donation is made to an organisation that means something to the loved one instead. There are many aspects of the funeral and burial of the dead person that should be discussed well ahead of time while the ailing person is still in their right mind that should be considered and discussed with family and friends.[2]
It may be important to celebrate the individual while they are alive rather than waiting until they die. For some people giving a eulogy at a funeral has its place, but it is not the same as honouring the person while they are alive. It may be better to have a comfortable environment where family and friends can have a get-together and celebrate the person while they are able to enjoy the occasion along with some of their favourite music, food and maybe even their pets too.
Regardless of whether the person goes to church or not, a church funeral may not be considered suitable to have when the loved one dies. It may be more appropriate to have a celebration of their life in a hall overlooking the sea or a lake, or maybe in a nice setting by some native bush with a stream.
Many Christians believe that when a loved one dies, the burial service should focus on their loved one gaining eternal peace in Heaven. The burial service is also intended to be uplifting to those grieving to help them cope with their loss.
Often the body of the deceased will be laid in a casket/coffin at the funeral directors, or where the service is being held, or in the home of one of the family with the lid up so that mourners can pay their respects., Pictures and flowers will be displayed here too. The purpose of displaying the body is to allow the mourners to acknowledge the reality of their loved one's death. Depending on the circumstances of the deceased’s death, and the family's preference, the casket may be closed. Alternatively, they may have been cremated and the ashes are in a personally painted urn.
Although there are some differences across the various denominations, a Christian funeral service has similar practices involved.
If the funeral service is to be held in a church, the priest or minister may enter to start the service. The casket is then carried by the pallbearers then the family members with family and guests after that. When the service is concluded, the same practices are followed when leaving the church.
Alternatively, the casket will arrive early at the church and be attended to by the funeral directors. The family and the rest of the congregation will enter the church a few minutes prior to the service commencing.
During a Christian service some prayers will be said, and a popular hymn or two will be sung. The hymns are specifically chosen for their sense of hope and comfort. Christians acknowledge their loss, but look forward to being reunited with their loved ones in Heaven at a later time.
These days it is not unusual to have a popular song or two that were special to the deceased being played before the service and as people exit afterwards.
The priest or minister will give a sermon or message because it is a Christian event. The purpose is to remind those at the funeral that what the Christians perspective of death is. that those who by faith have passed on have the hope of eternal life with God, and that by His death and restoration, Jesus has defeated death for all Christians.
Some of the friends and family may bring an uplifting eulogy/tribute during the service when invited.
Once the service has concluded, family members and friends will leave the church and go to the gravesite where a brief committal service is held, and friends and family say their final goodbyes. This may include placing flowers on the casket, and/or a small amount of dirt may be placed on the casket.
Following the funeral service, it is a traditional for the family to host a reception for those who attended the funeral, where food and drink are provided for the guests. This is an opportunity for the immediate family to receive emotional support in their time of grief.
Some FAQ
How Do I Dress? Traditionally mourners have worn black or another dark conservative colour to be respectful. It used to be traditional to avoid wearing bright, flashy or glittery clothing to a funeral. A good rule of thumb was to dress to blend in.
These days it is quite common for the family of the deceased to invite mourners to wear bright colours and to celebrate the departed’s life. In Britain, one the largest funeral directors, Co-op’s funeral directors have had 85% of their arranged funerals where guests wore the deceased’s favourite colour. However, if a mourner is not sure what to wear, it is simply a case of contacting the family or funeral directors to find out.
Should Flowers Be Given for the Service and /or the Family? Condolence flowers are not always given but they are a nice way to express the mourner’s love for the person who passed, and they can also bring comfort and love to the grieving family.
Can Mourners Give Money or a Gift? In New Zealand it is not usual to give money or a gift. However, if the family of the deceased are struggling with their finances there is no reason not to give money, provided it is as discreet as possible. If the family have people staying with them or they are expected to be feeding any guests staying over for a few days, a gift of food to help would be appreciated. This is not meant to embarrass anyone but to help in their time of need.
Can Only Christians Attend a Christian Funeral Service? It is not necessary to be a member of a specific denomination to attend a Christian funeral because, like ordinary church services, they are a public event open to all who respect and follow the order of the ceremony.
How Long is a Christian Funeral Service? The service usually runs for about 30 to 45 minutes. Services by the grave may take around 20 to 30 minutes. It is not essential to attend both services.
Any Further Queries? The easiest way is to contact the funeral director or the church where the service is being held for help.
Dear Reader – If you have found some value in this blog, please feel free to send a copy on to your family and friends. Kind regards, John
[1] The New Zealand Seniors: Cost of Death Report, New Zealand Seniors, Penrose, Auckland;
https://www.nzseniors.co.nz/news-insights/cost-of-death
[2] Eight Lessons from the End of Life, Karla Erickson, Grinnell College, Grinnell, Iowa;